Reading at the Crossroads

Reading at the Crossroads is an archive for columns and letters which appeared in the Terre Haute Tribune Star. I also blog here when my patience is exhausted by what I feel is irritating, irrational and/or ironic in life. --gary daily

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Location: Terre Haute, Indiana, United States

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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

From the “Someone has to read his bullshit” file

Tweets (of a speculative nature) quoting from Newton Leroy Gingrich’s specutaltive fiction oeuvre are  twittering here:

Our least favorite history professor, last seen eating an unripened lemon somewhere in the bowels of Florida, has worked hard on his “alternative history” works.  And judging from the sales and his tax returns, it’s paid off.  Book Scan reports two titles have sold 100,000 copies. Never Call Retreat: Lee and Grant: The Final Victory is part of a series which has the South winning the Civil War. Newton is shoring up his base, I guess.  And you have to love that double colon in the title.  Pearl Harbor: A Novel of December 8 undoubtedly allows the Stars and Stripes (Or is it the Stars and Bars?) to fly through the smoke of that dark day after.  Haven’t read it (I’m not about to be the “Someone” of this post’s title.) but it’s a good bet that Newton has FDR arranging that entire Pearl Harbor thingy. 

Dennis Johnson of Mellville House collects some John Stewart worthy excerpts. 
Well, Gingrich himself may be shy [sic] about these books, but thank God an anonymous fan isn’t: Someone has started a Twitter page called @gingrichfiction to celebrate the revealing nature of these masterful works.

For example, it gives this “excerpt” from one of his World War II books:

    “His Satanic rituals complete, President Roosevelt resumed work on the architecture of The New Deal.”

Then there’s this one, which must be from one of the Civil War books:

    “With the Confederate army marching toward Washington, cowardly president Lincoln shouted ‘every man for himself!’ and fled to France.”

Gingrich Fiction also includes helpful anouncements, such as this one:

    due to popular demand, Newt’s novel “Brown v. Board of Education, Overturned?” is in its sixth printing. thanks, readers!

Mostly, though, it’s just classic excerpts, such as this one, which must be from one of his — well, from a more modern tale of some kind:

    “‘If the Soviets get to the moon first,’ Nixon intoned gravely, ‘they’ll have the rights to all the moon gold for the next 400 years!’”
Newton Leroy’s use of historical poetic license is breathtaking.  And this from a man who always gives the impression, physically and emotionally, of having trouble breathing the same air most people in this country do.


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